New Beginning

The blue of the night sky, sickly sweet and becoming more purple, the cool emptiness rises up as the flame envelopes the cheap paper and finely ground, deceiving herbs, the lights from the plane in the sky immerse you in wonder, seeing the large trees at the end of the garden give warmth in the dead of winter.

You see the world he was in long ago, as the diffuser bubbles with vapour pouring out of it by a cheap TV, the newness of the life he lived has now ceased, not entirely sure yourself, you can now have confidence that it hasn't all gone your way, going by the signs they've all left, you can't rely on old senses anymore.

It's a whole new product, they've formulated another mixture that's just like the old days, delivered in discreet yellow paper bags with a leaflet advertising "medicinal mushrooms", just nootropics and nothing like magic mushrooms at all, you always tread carefully not to get sick with half the products they stock, a life reduced to searching for anything to help.

He barely registers you in the street, the longest road with no cover from the sun, unbearable in the summer and depressing in the winter, going to get cold drinks from the local shop was always a mission as the queue moved so slowly on the hottest days with the only relief being the blast of cold air as you opened the drinks fridge.

The world is soft as you leave the shop, last night's smoke still has so much to offer, walking down towards the leafy walkway over the other side of the road, he comes up the inclined pavement from the left, going to get his energy drinks and sandwich, the ninety nine pence ones with the most tantalising bubblegum flavour.

Crossing the road as he goes through the shop door, an aura of orange is in the sky, you can taste it as the midday uprising of last night's high makes you slightly anxious, is it going to be like this forever? Falling asleep into the pillow as the bottle of Fanta sits on the table, your phone pings with a notification from "RealmFriendz", the app that puts you into contact with people you cross paths with regularly.

"FilthyMarkus has been near you 3x this week!" the notification says, as you drift off after picking your phone up to see what the ping was, three hours pass before you wake up again and the notification persists when you pick your phone up again, you tap on to the app and the number one appears in front of a red circle in front of a location pinpoint icon.   

Taken immediately aback as the selfie of him appears, the option to send a "like" is big with the "ignore" option smaller, your finger hesitates slightly with it millimetres from the plastic of the screen, a wave of energy up your spine at lightspeed, a green tick appears with the words "Like sent to FilthyMarkus".

You don't go back on the app until the notification comes up that it is a match, knowing how flimsy the the app is you make sure you do it all properly, the program faffs around a bit before presenting you with a chat screen, a speech bubble appears for two seconds and then it disappears, unsure of your imagination.

Hesitating as you send "Hey x" and the sending sound plays, the speech bubble appears twice before going away both times, exiting the app once more a notification flashes at the top of the screen, he has replied with "Hey, whats up?" as a tingle in your spine flares up.

Progressing the conversation forward, getting lost into the night as the amnesia that was stolen from your risky journey into bliss, takes hold with your own internal thoughts hoping this will come to an end by tomorrow.

You plan to meet up tomorrow outside the shop, as anxiety atypically builds, the high coming to an end with a sudden jolt back to reality, was this all in your head? Shoving a Rustlers burger in the microwave for your tea, it's all you can manage for now as the lemonade from the side refreshes you, the microwave dings as you worry how you could hold yourself together for tomorrow with how dishevelled you are.

The evening passes in a blur as you wake up slightly refreshed the next day, having a cold shower that cools the humidity of your flat away, the fleeting feather of left over libido from the joint, rests on your lower back with the tingle that draws desire where it's needed.

Making a light breakfast with the clock counting down with the meeting planned just before lunch, hoping he'll grab you a Red Bull before you head back to his, the great unknown with anything to take you out of the stagnation.

Standing by the metal bench waiting for Markus to arrive from the walkway past the pharmacy, the minutes pass with the butterflies that tease the base of your stomach, wishing they'd fly into the wind that blows past your face.

The imagination of the smell of the potent herb fleets powerfully, setting off disallowed emotion, a focal point that numbs the surprise of him appearing as you thought he would, the jolt of anxiety that comes with meeting a stranger, flattened by the dirty and deep that is becoming scary in itself.

"You alright?" he says, as your initial response has you worried about how you appear, but nothing in his eyes is imperfect, the distortion he knew long ago, is now a pin sharp reality that sees the beauty in you.

Grabbing a few cans of Dragon Soop and a few bags of knibbles from the shop, the conversation flows effortlessly, your mind playing a trick that gives you that confidence, unsure of your own motive, being drawn to him as suddenly this is the best day you've had in months.

The pavement is drowned in autumn leaves, a long road with various closes of houses on the other side, underfoot is muddy as you arise on the pavement from the large tree as you go past the community centre, the sky dims with grey clouds.

Learning so much about him on the walk up the hill past recently cut down trees, “just down there” he says as there is a walkway past the side of the block of flats, turning right past the dodgy neighbours front door.

"So this is the guy" you think to yourself as you recollect everything you've learned about him, the effortlessly styled look has you entranced, offered to go into the living room to chill, the hand placed on his chest, as soft as the feather before, taken away by your own emotional depth, moving to the bedroom with only that non verbal desire.

Thrown on the bed with consent, you beg to know why your clothes are still on, noticing the curated display on the clothes drawer, books and other artworks adorn the drawer by the wall, displaying fine symbolism among the pictures.

Getting more comfortable in the center on the bed and horizontal from the pillows, he pulls your jeans down as your breathing intensifies, emotion collapses as the first sense of your sexuality begins to emerge, holding the hair on his head as his tongue teases through the fabric, bringing your jeans over your knees.

You come back up for a kiss, it is all new without that instruction, finally free from the numbness that has consumed so many years, the moment only buys surprise as he gives you oral, you've never felt it so deep before, perfectly slow as you'd always loved sex.

Allowing you to moan without prejudice, you get wetter as your hands explore him, his body breaking that grey and humid existence, pulling each others t-shirts off, your breasts feel full against your bra as he kisses them softly, you almost gasp in pleasure.

Coming down to kiss your neck softly, you revel in the moment before taking a break to take your bra off, your nipples hard and begging to be touched as he does just that, making way for your throbbing flower as the position is perfect for sex as he grabs a condom.

Butterflies surge in your stomach as you weakly gasp and go in for another kiss, longer and more passionate than before, his cock taking you by surprise as it teases your outer lips, feeling almost like morphine as it enters you.

The entire shaft slowly goes in until it is all the way in, pulling back as he kisses your neck again, in once again as your wetness covers the condom, slowly increasing speed for the next whole minute as he worships your body with his lips.

The bed begins to shake as you feel every thrust with the springs holding the weight of you and him together, he moans masculinely in your ear as you moan in synchonicity, your nipples tingling with arousal as he just knows, of course, sucking on them will send you even deeper into a pit of pleasure, and it does.

Your flower is so absurdely wet, it begins to wet the duvet as you wonder why you love this sex that's fast, and with no other guy that did it like this did you cum, but it just makes sense as your curves create a spectacle, both sweaty and a mutual orgasm less than ten seconds away.

Both moaning loud and with no restraint, you both cum as you feel it in your stomach and a loss of executive function takes place as you collapse with half awareness that you have, he falls next to you as you collect yourself, a wave of relaxation consumes you. 

He freed you from what he once knew.